Cheryl Kerrigan

Break Free From ED!

By Cheryl Kerrigan

“Don’t eat that, it is bad and will make you fat.”  “You need to do what I say in order to be happy, successful and loved.”  “If you eat that, you are weak.”  Sound familiar?  Those are just a few lines my eating disorder (ED) told me on a daily basis…….until I took my power back!

I suffered with Anorexia for over 22 years.  ED was there for me in every aspect of my life.  He never let me down.  I could always count on him being there for me; in good times and in bad.  I turned to ED for acceptance, love, strength and friendship.

What I did not realize then is all of what ED was telling me was lies.  He was full of false promises.  He was manipulative, arrogant and mean. (to name a few)  I was in an abusive mental relationship and needed a way out in order to live.  He was slowly killing me.

Are you in a relationship with ED?

Getting your life back from something that has such a grip on you is not easy but IS possible.  You have the power to break free and be in control again.  To live your life free from rules and judgments.  To live your life free from ED.

Build up an army and fight back.  If you realize ED has a grip on you, tell someone you trust.  You need not be ashamed.  Find a treatment team (therapist, nutritionist, doctor) that specializes in eating disorders to build up your forces.  If additional help is needed, there are many treatment centers for eating disorders to help you get on your feet and move toward recovery.  Search out a support group to talk about your struggles, thoughts and fears.

With patience and persistence you can fight back and win.  Just think --having the freedom to go out to eat and truly enjoy your self; to be free from the obsessive thoughts of calories, food and behaviors; to exercise for the true pleasure of it; to have a social life full of friends and family.  All of these things ARE possible. 

Recovery gives you the freedom to learn, to discover, to feel, to connect, to live.  It is empowering to have the control to decide--- to go and do what YOU want to do, not what ED tells you to do.   You have the power to take your life back.  Tell ED you do not need him anymore.  Take a step towards recovery and find your way to freedom. 

You can do it, just believe.

CHOICE

 By Cheryl Kerrigan

 “I sit in a dark space, isolated from the world.  I have only one companion. When I try to speak, he degrades me.  When I try to run away, he catches me.  When I try to be happy, he forbids it.  He controls my every move.  His name is ED…and he is my eating disorder.”

That was then…..this is now…….

“My life is full of color with many friends surrounding me.  My voice has merit and is heard.  I run towards new goals and follow my dreams.  I am strong, happy and free.  I am me!”

Life in recovery is wide open for anything you choose and choice is something that feels so untouchable in the midst of living in hell with ED.  For me, I struggled with toxic thoughts since age 5 which progressed into behaviors and rules and then a diagnosis of Anorexia in my late teens where it lived for the next 22 years.  Until one day, after an intervention from my family, I chose life over death.  From that moment on my journey to recovery began.

When we are in the automatic and numb stage of doing negative behavior after behavior it seems the darkness around us won’t go away.  When we try to look through the window into recovery, ED pulls the shade down so we can’t see.  He tells us we don’t need what is on the other side.  “All you need is me”, he says.  Well I am here to tell you he is wrong!  You don’t need him and there is something wonderful on the other side.  You have the power within you to choose…..to choose recovery.

Sure it is scary, I know and it takes overcoming a fear of the unknown but when the choice of recovery is made it can be liberating and it gives you a new found self-confidence.  Once that spark is relit inside you, it keeps burning and lights your way to freedom.

Our choice is something we misplace when we are listening to ED’s lies.  He takes it and hides it away hoping we will forget about it.  I am here to remind you to go find it.  Search inside yourself and pull it out from ED’s hiding place and show him who is boss.  Tell him you choose to live life free from his rules and lies.  You have the power, strength and courage to fight.   You don’t have to choose ED any longer. 

The choices we make during recovery are fun, liberating, challenging, light hearted, have meaning and bring us to a place of self discovery.  We find out who we truly are and what we want to become, not what ED tells us to become.  We realize we are deserving, we are strong, we do matter and we are loved.  Choose recovery and find freedom.